Friday, March 25, 2005

My Good Friday Prediction

My Good Friday Prediction...

The Pope will lapse today into a coma. He'll come out of it on Easter Sunday; share a last meal with the Swiss Guard and a few close friends; make some grand pronouncements about faith and then die. Several eye-witnesses, along with a number of residents of Spanish-speaking countries, will proclaim visions of his soul's ascension into heaven.

Within six months, Irish Bishops will launch a campaign to rescind those laws passed in Ireland during the last couple decades that finally made divorce and the use of contraception legal in that country. Jeb Bush will ask the Florida legislature to pass a resolution in support of their efforts and George W. Bush will make a public misstatement applauding the Irish Bishops' decision to stop using birth control.

Lastly, after much debate and review of Canonical Law, the Roman Catholic Church will finally acknowledge that there are only 2 days, not 3, in between Good Friday and Easter. Justice Anton Scalia will write the dissenting opinion. In a promising show of cooperation, top Israeli and Palestinian leaders will respond to the Catholics' announcement by jointly issuing a press release, stating simply, “We told you so!”