Rants from My First 2 Months in California

LA Stories - 12/31/04


Since I arrived in Long Beach on Dec. 14th, my experiences have fallen into these general categories: 1) the good, 2) the not-so-good, 3) the truly disturbing, 4) culture shock and 4) Cleveland is a small town even when you're in LA.

Here are a few examples to bring you up to speed...

the good:

1) the weather

2) the view from the roof of the building my office is in

3) there is a lot to do within walking distance of my apt.

the not-so-good:

1) each errand becomes a multi-store, all-night endeavor because I don't know my way around or the names of the CA retail equivalents of stores like Pet Supplies Plus

2) you know those silly skinny kitchen cabinets that contractors put next to stoves and dishwashers to fill space that are only large enough to store cookie sheets? My kitchen has 4. My bread maker is currently in my coat closet

3) I can't find the cord to charge my drill


the truly disturbing:

1) you know those power scooter, wheelchair alternative things that you see advertised on cable TV at 3 AM as being 100 percent covered by Medicare? I see 2 - 3 people using them every time I leave the house. At first, I thought maybe I just live close to the local offices of the Veterans' Administration... but now I'm just growing concerned over my future mobility

2) I'm having a very challenging time finding an acceptable spot for the litter box


culture shock:

1) there are at least 3 Ikea's within 30 miles of my apt. The store in Carson seems to serve a predominantly Latino demographic. I've been there twice and both times it was me, a smattering of Asians and African-Americans and all the rest were Latino. Try and picture it... it somehow seems out of place with Scandinavian furniture. Probably, because previously, I've only ever shopped at the Ikeas in Pittsburgh and Toronto where the demographics are far different than in Carson.


Cleveland is a small town even in LA:

1) about every fifth person I've met here actually is from Cleveland or from Detroit and they just want to talk to me about Cedar Point Amusement Park for some weird reason.

2) wasn't in town even a week when I randomly ran into someone who I knew from Cleveland's club scene in the late 80s.


More LA Impressions 1/11/05

Good, Not So Good and Culture Shock isn't quite covering it all so... My new category of LA experiences comes from a Dr. Suess book - "And to Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street" (the only Mulberry St. I know of is in NYC but who cares).

So, my first Mulberry-esque experience happened a few Friday nights ago at 10:30 PM at the Albertson's grocery store a few blocks from my apt. I need to pause here and say that the focus of this story is the choice of beverage... if it had been a gallon of milk, I wouldn't be sharing this story. The two guys in front of me at the checkout were dressed like they were heading out to a nightclub but were buying a six pack of Bacardi LOW-CARB Key Lime coolers and two Fleet enemas. See what you're missing when you go out on Friday nights as opposed to running errands...